Pained and Overwhelmed

People at the office are fussing over some email called "Another web cam scandal". It's supposed to be funny, and the email thread is getting longer (and annoying) each moment. Hmm..when can the time come that I'll laugh again? As in to genuinely laugh and have fun?

It seems that laughter went out of my life since I left my old office. More so this week when this issue set in. I don't have anything to look forward to. Damn vacation. Damn summer. Damn the hour after this.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really trying to cope, but I guess I still don't have enough resolve to fix myself up. I guess I'm still wishing for that something which I have lost (and don't know why) to come back anytime soon. But every waiting moment is agony. I'm not used to uncertainties in life. And now I'm stepping out of my private space to cope with this uncertainty.

So much changes happened to me in such a short time. There were complete turnarounds and unexpected surprises. There were also unexplainable losses. I'm just so overwhlemed by everything that all I want to do is rest. And cry. and sleep. And wake up one day where everything is ok. No pains like the ones I'm feeling right now.

Damn. My life is a mess. I'm a mess. I should've listened to Jesus way before I got myself into so many life-changing decisions. I should've prayed before I acted. Now I'm being chastised. I just hope I come out of this whole again.